I’ve just made myself feel really sad writing this. The girl in the fort is all grown up, reflecting on what that means in a letter to the man she loves. 


Dear L,

I look at myself now and wonder what you would think of me. It’s my birthday again. I’m thirty years old.

Back then, when we were young, this really was old. You promised me that if I turned thirty and I was still alone then you’d come to my rescue. And now it’s happened, and I am. But you’re not here.

All the people around me say that I shouldn’t feel old. That thirty is so young, that I still have so much of my life ahead of me. They don’t understand that I stopped living a long time ago.

Not that I don’t have a life. There’s a lot I’ve done that I’m proud of. I have a job – a career even. And a house. And a cat. Don’t laugh – I think you’d like her. She probably wouldn’t like you much, but then she doesn’t really like anyone except me.

So in many ways I’m ticking all the boxes, doing all the things that we used to say people do when they get old. I thought I’d be happier, though. I thought I’d have it all figured out by now.

My friends are all getting married of course. Having kids.

Our son would be fourteen this year. The same age as I was when we first kissed, do you remember?

I hope you’re both happy, wherever you are.

Love J,

Forever and always.


Thank you to Sara at Mum Turned Mom for inspiring this post with her prompt: age. And to my characters for continuing to speak to me





Nikki Young Writes

13 thoughts on “Thirty

  1. maddy@writingbubble

    I’m not surprised it made you sad – me too! Brilliantly written as always. The more I find out about your characters, the more I want to read the book! #fridayfiction

  2. Sara (@mumturnedmom)

    This brought tears to my eyes, so beautifully written, simple yet terribly sad. I’m glad your characters are still talking to you too, and that you are sharing that with us xx Thanks so much for linking to #ThePrompt x PS. You’ll laugh when you see what next weeks prompt is!

  3. Pingback: This much I know | Sophie is…

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