Monthly Archives: May 2014

B is for beach

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More specifically, Breakwater beach in beautiful Brixham. There might be better beaches out there but this one is mine and I love it. From the gently rounded pebbles that on certain days appear to be almost entirely uniform to the slightly too sleep slope that builds anticipation as you stumble down towards the sea, from the water that glows turquoise in the sunshine to the panoramic views across the bay. B is for beach.

Joining in with The Alphabet Photography Project over at PODcast.

The wonderful wedding of Non and Ash

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Since I was little I’ve been going on holiday to glorious Cadgwith Cove, a truly idyllic little fishing village on the Lizard Peninsula in Cornwall. Not only is it stunning, but it’s also home to much of my Mum’s family – and on Saturday it was the spectacular site of the wedding of my cousin Non.

The ceremony took place in the beautiful tin church that sits at the bottom of my Nanny’s garden. From there it was a bit of a challenging walk to the reception: we set off with my brother and sister-in-law, Arthur dozing and feeding in the sling.

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We arrived to find two geodesic domes in a field which sloped down towards the sea. Arthur woke up almost immediately, and was desperate to get down and start to explore.

He braved the bouncy castle first with the help of my mum – he wasn’t too sure what to make of it but at least he had a chance to try it out before the older kids (and adventurous adults) took it over!

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Then he was off across the field, calling out ‘water’ as he pointed at the sea. Fortunately he was intercepted by the bride and groom’s dog, Poppy, before he managed to get that far…

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He made it back up to crash a couple of wedding photos before heading off to enjoy the view again with dada. It really was quite a view, and the weather could not have been more perfect.

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When it was time to head inside the fun continued as Arthur split his time between the kids’ table and the various grown ups keen to keep him entertained.

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It was such a lovely occasion for all of us – surrounded by family in a gorgeous setting with so much creativity and attention to detail. As the meal came to a close we spilled out on to the grass to soak up the last of the sunshine and recharge ready for an evening of dancing: the perfect end to a perfect day.

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Poldhu Cove

I love Devon, but one of the great things about living there rather than London is how much closer we are to Cornwall. My Mum’s family live down here and we’re visiting for a few days. And with the weather being as glorious as it has been we thought we’d better make the most of it and head to the beach!

Since we got back from Cyprus Arthur has been dying to get in the sea again. We’ve managed a couple of little paddles in the beaches near us, but we haven’t quite had the time or the weather to get stuck in with some proper beach action. So today we got Arthur layered up with his swim nappy, wetsuit and uv top and set him free at Poldhu Cove.

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He headed straight for the sea, running over the golden sand and not hesitating for a second as the cold water lapped up over his ankles. I was impressed with his bravery, and relieved that last summer’s enthusiasm for the English sea had not diminished with his new awareness. It definitely bodes well for the rest of the summer.

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He enjoyed playing on the sand too. He seems to have moved on from eating it thankfully, and with the little bucket and spade set my mum picked up from the beach shop he sat transfixed as I had a quick (chilly) dip. He was fascinated with the way the sand behaved in the water, beginning little experiments which I’m sure will get more complex as he gets older.

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His enthusiasm seemed to go on and on, long after I thought the shivers would have set in and much to the amusement of the watching lifeguard. He was clearly in his element, loving the space to run, the sea to splash in and the sensation of the sand between his toes (and pretty much everywhere else too).

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Needless to say, by the time we did manage to distract him for long enough to get him dry and warm he was exhausted, and very ready for a nap the moment we got him to the car. All in all a highly successful beach trip – the start of summer, and the first of many more to come.

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Country Kids from Coombe Mill Family Farm Holidays Cornwall



Word of the Week: Cuddle

Today the word that sums up the week that was is:

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Arthur has been wanting lots of cuddles recently. Partly I think he’s needed the comfort: his teeth have been bothering him for sure – he has eight coming through at the moment – and he’s had a bit of a cold this week too. More than that though he’s worked out how to name them – they’re ‘duddles’ rather than ‘cuddles’, but now he can ask for them he wants them all the time.

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It starts from the moment he wakes up in the morning: reaching out his arms for cuddles, not only from us but also from his bears.

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As the day goes on he’ll keep checking in to recharge, making sure he gets his cuddle quota. If we’re hard to reach then anything will do – his water bottle, or perhaps a piece of roasted carrot.

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Each expression of cuddly affection is accompanied by a cry of ‘duddle!’, full of urgency and enthusiasm. It is the cutest thing to watch, and to be on the receiving end of the duddles is even more adorable.

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I hope that this isn’t entirely just a phase, that what we’re witnessing is the growth of our baby into a little boy fuelled by the exchange of such heartfelt affection. It might just be one of the best things about being a mum, and if I’m honest I’m not sure how I coped when I didn’t have so many cuddles in my life.

 

The Reading Residence

 

The power of attachment

Before Arthur was born, I didn’t really have much of an idea about the kind of parent I wanted to be. I knew I wasn’t great at keeping to fixed routines, and my time as a teacher had taught me that nurturing young people generally works best when you take the cues from them. But it was one thing listening to teenagers communicate their needs and wants – how on earth was I supposed to do that with a tiny baby?

I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but I figured I’d want to express fairly regularly so that other people could feed the baby too and I could have a bit of freedom. It was losing my freedom, if I’m honest, that I was most nervous about. I was sure I’d want to make the most of my parents’ enthusiasm as new grandparents to get out for time alone with Leigh, to touch base with the me that I was before I became pregnant rather than letting this new little person take over everything.

We were given a pram by Leigh’s parents, having researched endlessly which one would be best for tackling the off-road paths and beaches near where we live. My mum helped me decorate the nursery, all decked out with the cot the baby would move into once he’d passed the six month stage and was ready to graduate to his own room. I knew there would be times when he would sleep with us, but I definitely didn’t want to encourage that on a regular basis.

And then when Arthur was born everything changed. He went from being an abstract baby to a real little human being – and I was surprised to find that I didn’t want to leave his side. I didn’t really get out of bed for the first two weeks after he was born. Partly because it was the middle of winter, and partly because it took all the focus and energy I could muster to overcome the problems we had getting breastfeeding established (you can read about that here). And during that time, when I wasn’t dozing, I read. I started by browsing internet forums looking for inspiration about how I was actually going to approach this business of parenting. I know people say that you should just trust your instincts, but I was terrified of getting it wrong – I did have an idea about how I wanted to do things, but it was so different to what I considered socially acceptable that I needed validation. And slowly I began to find it.

I realised that I identified with what people were calling attachment parenting – I’d never heard of it before, but keen to find out more I ordered several books – Dr Sears’ The Baby Book was great for day to day questions and concerns, but it was the work of Deborah Jackson that really inspired me. I read When Your Baby Cries and Three in a Bed, and as I journeyed with her through different times and cultures I realised that the status quo I had come to accept was far from the only option.

As Arthur and I began to face the world together, I began to put these ideas into practice. After nearly being put off by the first sling I tried I soon became a convert to babywearing – I wrote about the beginnings of that journey here. I found that I was so calm and focused when I was wearing my baby – I didn’t have to put him down alone to get things done, or worry about him as he napped elsewhere. Bizarrely by physically attaching Arthur to me I found I finally had the freedom to begin to live my life again, starting with beginning to write the novel that had been swimming around in my head for so long.

It was a long time before we asked my parents to babysit – they’ve still only done it a couple of times – because we decided we’d miss Arthur too much and would rather he just came with us. And so he did, to meals out, to parties, to gigs, to festivals. I was surprised again – though of course relieved – to find that Leigh shared my inclinations, and as a result the three of us have had so many fantastic adventures together.

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The thing that has most surprised both Leigh and I though has been I think our attitudes to sleep. The sixth month point came and went long ago and Arthur is still sleeping in our room. We’ve talked about it, and both agree that it’s going to be a little while before we’re ready to give up co-sleeping. Arthur loves being close to us, and there is something quite magical about sharing the moments just before he goes to sleep and when he has just woken up as well as the groundswell of love that I still feel when I watch his sleeping form in the middle of the night or he snuggles up to me for a feed.

I know that we’ve been lucky, that there are certain freedoms that we’ve had that have meant I have been able to let Arthur set the pace. I haven’t had to go back to my job as a teacher, and as I muddle through in my attempts to forge a new career at home I can adjust how and when and where I do things to suit his rhythms.

And bizarrely, with all this talk of attachment and the warnings I’ve ignored from well meaning advisors, Arthur’s actually becoming a very confident and easy going little boy. He rarely cries, and as much as I try to follow his cues whenever I can he is proving himself to be highly adaptable when he has to fall in step with me.

I am just so glad I took the time to explore the alternative approaches to parenting that were out there, to find a way to meet the needs of both my baby and myself. I’m glad too that I accepted the changes that becoming a parent wrought within me – however surprising they were at first. I suppose you’ll never know what sort of a parent you’ll be until you are one – I’m not for a second suggesting that the approach we’ve taken would work for everyone, but for the time being at least it definitely seems to be working for us.

Thank you to Sara at Mum Turned Mom for inspiring this post with her prompt of ‘surprise’.

 

mumturnedmom

 

Writing diversity

When I come to the section about ethnicity in a diversity monitoring form I tick the box ‘White British’. I’m not that white, especially in the summer. My olive skin has had me mistaken for many different nationalities – even Turkish and Nepalese when travelling in those countries. But my ethnic origins are not nearly so interesting: I am half Welsh, half English, and as far as the box tickers are concerned, well and truly white.

So you may think it strange that the protagonist in my first novel, Lili Badger, has a strong Bengali heritage, that though her father is White British like me much of the fabric of the novel is woven from a culture to which I am an outsider.

My awareness of and interest in the multicultural world we live in began when I was very young, even though the villages I grew up in were about as monocultural as you could get. My Welsh grandparents had lived in East Africa for over twenty years, and my dad spent a good portion of his childhood there. It was not until I was in my late twenties that I was to finally find myself in Tanzania, and when I did there was something strangely familiar about it – something that had seeped into my bones from the stories I’d heard and the artefacts that adorned my grandparents’ house.

For my own part, even though being born in Wales hardly made me an ethnic minority, I was made starkly aware of my otherness when we moved from there to Birmingham when I was eight years old. My accent was so alien that to my new schoolmates I might as well have been speaking another language at first. I did my best to disguise it, though always felt relief sweep over me when I returned to see my extended family in Cardiff and could relax back into my natural voice. I never did learn the language – it was not a part of the curriculum in Wales during my early primary years. When I moved from Birmingham to London aged sixteen I began to more openly reclaim my Welshness as part of my identity, much to the amusement of my new friends there. I investigated Welsh language courses I could do in the city but never committed – something I still regret.

I vividly remember a conversation I had in a run down classroom at the top of the first school I worked at in Tower Hamlets. I was a teaching assistant, and had been assigned to support a group of boys who had recently come to the country from Bangladesh. As we muddled through the beginnings of a conversation they asked me where I came from. When I named a place that was not England, they excitedly asked if I could speak to them in my language. The surprise and disappointment on their faces when I had to admit that I did not speak the language of my country has stayed with me.

It’s something I have in common with Lili, or rather I suppose she has in common with me. Being in the second generation of her family to have been born in England it is perhaps more understandable that she does not speak Bengali, but it bothers her sometimes – and is even more of an issue for some of the people she crosses paths with, Bengali and White British alike.

Lili is not defined by her ethnicity. It is a part of her of course, but her driving force is her creativity, her love of stories and her search for a voice of her own. There are other characters in the novel who have been shaped by their background quite differently – Lili’s brother Arun for one, who in his search for his own identity is drawn to the world of radical Islam – and I drew on the diversity I saw in the communities I lived and worked in for nearly ten years to develop those characters.

I was nervous at first. When the idea for the novel first came to me, several years ago when I was way too busy teaching to actually write it, I had no doubt that Lili’s family had their origins in Bangladesh. Over the time I had to think about it before I began to write I almost lost my nerve. Would people not think I was a fraud, writing about a culture different from my own? Could I really accurately represent the hopes and dreams, let alone the day to day life, of a British Bengali family living in the East End?

But then I decided I was being ridiculous. My research had been wide and deep. I had worked with many children and families during my time as a teacher, all of them different, all of them unique. I was not trying to write the ultimate story of the British Bengali experience, only one story. And to bring it to life, to enrich it, I had a wealth of material to draw on.

And though on one level Lili Badger is the story of a girl whose mother is Bengali and whose father is White British, on another more important level it is the story of a girl. A girl whose hopes and dreams and day to day experiences echo those of many other teenagers, whatever their ethnicity.

Because if those ten years working in Tower Hamlets and Newham taught me anything, it is that people of different backgrounds have more things in common than the things that tell them apart. It took working in a multicultural environment for me to really realise that, for me to become frustrated by rash generalisations about people from a particular culture and to become even more incensed by the people who aim to divide our multicultural Britain and to pitch people like me against everyone else.

You would have thought I might have realised this as a reader. I have devoured books all my life, though it is only really since having the privilege of working amongst people from so many different cultures that I have actively sought out books from different cultures myself. Previous to that, whilst I might have described my tastes as diverse, what was easily available was resolutely monocultural. It is this which is one of the many reasons why I believe writing diversity is so important – whatever the background of the author, there is a whole world of inspiration out there and we should not be afraid to use it.

 

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Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

 

A playground by the sea

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Another day, another playground. This time we went to the Geoplay Park in Paignton which I’ve been meaning to check out for ages. It’d been a busy day already – in the morning we’d had baby gym and mummy trampolining, followed by lunch with friends and a swim. But then in the afternoon the sun came out and, impatiently waiting for a bus to take us back to Brixham, I figured it’d be a shame not to make the most of it.

We started with a snack, Arthur perusing the playground whilst he munched on a banana overlooked by a caveman and a woolly mammoth. The park is inspired by the English Riviera’s geological history, with separate areas from toddlers to teens representing different periods in time. There were lots of new things to explore, and it wasn’t long before Arthur went diving in.

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The slide was of course familiar, and Arthur enjoyed climbing through the little house to get to it. Well, the first time anyway – after that he decided walking back up the slide itself would be much more efficient!

He toyed with the idea of going through the tunnel to the massive geodesic climbing frames on the other side but decided against it. I was quite glad actually as I’m not sure I’d’ve been able to follow…

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Instead he went over to the trampoline. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of it when I lifted him on, and was soon holding his hands out to be saved. I resisted though, pretty sure he’d manage to clamber off himself. He’s really into climbing at the moment and very nearly made it, but I did have to help him out at the final hurdle.

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Then he noticed the sand and water play area and got properly excited. He was a little bit little to make the most of it really, beyond the obvious attraction of getting covered in both. But I think as he gets older the dams and balances and diggers will be fantastic for teaching him all sorts of physics in action as well as being good, messy fun.

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As if the day hadn’t been exciting enough, just as Arthur was beginning to get tired his dada turned up having stopped by to pick us up on his way home from work. He was over the moon to see him, and settled in for some serious daddy cuddles whilst we took a stroll along the seafront and had a drink overlooking the bay before heading home.

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It’s days like this that make me love where we live, and I love our new playground too. We will definitely be heading back soon – and we might even make it onto the beach next time!

 

Country Kids from Coombe Mill Family Farm Holidays Cornwall