Tag Archives: writing

Out on a limb

IMG_0610

I’ve never been one for doing the obvious. If there’s been something out there that tests my boundaries, that alters peoples’ preconceptions of me, then that’s the route I’ve always taken.

Tell me I’m shy? I’ll throw myself into acting. Tell me I’m not sporty? Well then I’ll take up trampolining. Tell me I’m sheltered? I’ll forge a career as a teacher in challenging comprehensive schools.

I haven’t done any of these things by halves either. Winning a place at drama school, competing in trampoline competitions at a national level, heading up an English department: all things that involved taking risks, going out on a limb, and pushing myself way outside my comfort zone.

When I was at university I came across a quote:

“Do one thing every day that scares you.”

It’s not a new idea, or a particularly original one, but it really resonated with me and how I wanted to live my life. I didn’t want to take the easy route, to do what was expected of me. I wanted to feel that frisson of excitement as I met new experiences head on: I wanted them to make me feel alive.

Looking back on it all now though I wonder if there wasn’t something else I was even more afraid of, something that held me back from doing what I might be truly good at, what I knew in my heart would make me happy.

Don’t get me wrong: I love all the different directions my life has taken me in so far. I honestly feel like I’ve stretched myself, achieved things I never would have thought possible. But I wonder whether doing the unexpected was a way of sidestepping an underlying fear of failing in the one thing I wanted to do but never did.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to write. I lived and breathed stories as a child, would read beneath the covers until the early hours and tell my own tales to anyone who would listen. In my little village school in Llancarfan I spent a whole week working on my sequel to Ted Hughes’ ‘The Iron Man’. I was asked to write a story as part of my entrance exam for the school I moved to in Birmingham and wouldn’t stop – I spent the whole afternoon in thrall to the characters I had created.

But then not long after that the whisper of self-doubt began. I started to take risks, but wouldn’t go back to the thing that had always made me feel safe. I always said I would – I talked about wanting to be a writer, but was seemingly incapable of actually doing the one thing that could have made that wish come true.

In my twenties I tentatively penned poems and short stories, my confidence growing through nurturing young minds in the classroom. I had ideas for novels, but never moved beyond scrawls in a notebook. I told myself I didn’t have time. That one day I would do it, but that I wasn’t ready yet. I dreamed of moving out of the city, having a child, and finally being able to write.

And now suddenly I’m doing it. Every day. And it’s terrifying me, every single day. In the eighteen months since Arthur came along I’ve written two novels, and since January this year I’ve poured everything else into this blog. I don’t know if what I’m writing is any good, I don’t know if it will ever catch the imagination of a publisher and be read further afield than the small circle I’m reaching out to now, but I am writing.

It’s strange that the one thing I always felt I could do was the thing I never did. That I could pride myself on pushing myself to my limits but resisted the urge to write that was burning in my core. I am very glad that after all those years of wondering I am finally getting the words out of my head and on to paper – and I hope that in the not too distant future what feels like the ultimate risk will bear fruit.

Thank you to Sara at Mum Turned Mom for inspiring this post with her prompt: “Why not go out on a limb? That’s where the fruit is.” (Mark Twain)

mumturnedmom

 

When Only Paper Will Do

image

I almost forgot to mention that I’ve been musing on the novel writing process over at The Reading Residence today as part of Jocelyn’s #bringbackpaper campaign. However much I love my computer, there are times when only paper will do… Pop over and find out more – there’s lots of papery goodness to ogle at in the Papery Peep linky too!

 

image

Writing diversity

When I come to the section about ethnicity in a diversity monitoring form I tick the box ‘White British’. I’m not that white, especially in the summer. My olive skin has had me mistaken for many different nationalities – even Turkish and Nepalese when travelling in those countries. But my ethnic origins are not nearly so interesting: I am half Welsh, half English, and as far as the box tickers are concerned, well and truly white.

So you may think it strange that the protagonist in my first novel, Lili Badger, has a strong Bengali heritage, that though her father is White British like me much of the fabric of the novel is woven from a culture to which I am an outsider.

My awareness of and interest in the multicultural world we live in began when I was very young, even though the villages I grew up in were about as monocultural as you could get. My Welsh grandparents had lived in East Africa for over twenty years, and my dad spent a good portion of his childhood there. It was not until I was in my late twenties that I was to finally find myself in Tanzania, and when I did there was something strangely familiar about it – something that had seeped into my bones from the stories I’d heard and the artefacts that adorned my grandparents’ house.

For my own part, even though being born in Wales hardly made me an ethnic minority, I was made starkly aware of my otherness when we moved from there to Birmingham when I was eight years old. My accent was so alien that to my new schoolmates I might as well have been speaking another language at first. I did my best to disguise it, though always felt relief sweep over me when I returned to see my extended family in Cardiff and could relax back into my natural voice. I never did learn the language – it was not a part of the curriculum in Wales during my early primary years. When I moved from Birmingham to London aged sixteen I began to more openly reclaim my Welshness as part of my identity, much to the amusement of my new friends there. I investigated Welsh language courses I could do in the city but never committed – something I still regret.

I vividly remember a conversation I had in a run down classroom at the top of the first school I worked at in Tower Hamlets. I was a teaching assistant, and had been assigned to support a group of boys who had recently come to the country from Bangladesh. As we muddled through the beginnings of a conversation they asked me where I came from. When I named a place that was not England, they excitedly asked if I could speak to them in my language. The surprise and disappointment on their faces when I had to admit that I did not speak the language of my country has stayed with me.

It’s something I have in common with Lili, or rather I suppose she has in common with me. Being in the second generation of her family to have been born in England it is perhaps more understandable that she does not speak Bengali, but it bothers her sometimes – and is even more of an issue for some of the people she crosses paths with, Bengali and White British alike.

Lili is not defined by her ethnicity. It is a part of her of course, but her driving force is her creativity, her love of stories and her search for a voice of her own. There are other characters in the novel who have been shaped by their background quite differently – Lili’s brother Arun for one, who in his search for his own identity is drawn to the world of radical Islam – and I drew on the diversity I saw in the communities I lived and worked in for nearly ten years to develop those characters.

I was nervous at first. When the idea for the novel first came to me, several years ago when I was way too busy teaching to actually write it, I had no doubt that Lili’s family had their origins in Bangladesh. Over the time I had to think about it before I began to write I almost lost my nerve. Would people not think I was a fraud, writing about a culture different from my own? Could I really accurately represent the hopes and dreams, let alone the day to day life, of a British Bengali family living in the East End?

But then I decided I was being ridiculous. My research had been wide and deep. I had worked with many children and families during my time as a teacher, all of them different, all of them unique. I was not trying to write the ultimate story of the British Bengali experience, only one story. And to bring it to life, to enrich it, I had a wealth of material to draw on.

And though on one level Lili Badger is the story of a girl whose mother is Bengali and whose father is White British, on another more important level it is the story of a girl. A girl whose hopes and dreams and day to day experiences echo those of many other teenagers, whatever their ethnicity.

Because if those ten years working in Tower Hamlets and Newham taught me anything, it is that people of different backgrounds have more things in common than the things that tell them apart. It took working in a multicultural environment for me to really realise that, for me to become frustrated by rash generalisations about people from a particular culture and to become even more incensed by the people who aim to divide our multicultural Britain and to pitch people like me against everyone else.

You would have thought I might have realised this as a reader. I have devoured books all my life, though it is only really since having the privilege of working amongst people from so many different cultures that I have actively sought out books from different cultures myself. Previous to that, whilst I might have described my tastes as diverse, what was easily available was resolutely monocultural. It is this which is one of the many reasons why I believe writing diversity is so important – whatever the background of the author, there is a whole world of inspiration out there and we should not be afraid to use it.

 

Unknown

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

 

Word of the Week: Hectic

Today the word that sums up the week that was is:

image

I mean, every week is pretty busy, but this week has been crazy! I’m sure having just come back from holiday hasn’t helped, but even just reflecting on all the different things we’ve done this week is making me exhausted.

No sooner had we dropped our bags in the hallway on Saturday than we were out again, heading to a wedding reception. This was no ordinary wedding, with celebrations taking place at a Yurt Camp near Dartmoor. We actually spent the night in a yurt, and that along with stealing the bride’s ukulele were the highlights of Arthur’s evening.

image    image

Over the next few days my main focus was supposed to be finishing the initial read through of the first draft of my novel. But even though I know it’s vitally important, and I’m actually really enjoying it, I’m finding it so much harder to fit the reading in than the writing itself. There always seems to be something else to do: catching up on what I’ve missed in the blogosphere for example, and finally getting around to tackling the ‘make your own monster’ kit Arthur was given for Christmas.

image    image

We obviously had to find the time for some outings too, reacquainting ourselves with the beach and Berry Head.

image    image

Just as I thought we might be settling back into some sort of rhythm, I had a call from the school where I’m a governor saying that Ofsted were coming in. Cue a rapid reshuffling of Thursday’s plans to accommodate a dash to the school after Arthur’s first Music with Mummy session (which was fab – but hectic!).

image

After battling through the rain I delivered Arthur to the administrator who’d kindly agreed to look after him whilst I faced the inspectors. The pushchair we hadn’t used since he was six weeks old was initially supposed to make their life easier, though ended up being a pretty handy receptacle for all the files and toys and snacks I was lugging around.

When we eventually got home there were some secret missions to be accomplished: it’s Leigh’s birthday today, so there was a cake to be baked and cards to be made.

image    image

Arthur has been a superstar with all the craziness that’s been thrust upon him, though he’s definitely been checking in for cuddles even more often than usual to recharge his batteries. As for me, I’ve enjoyed the buzz of getting everything done but I’m hoping things are going to settle down next week. Otherwise I might just need another holiday…

The Reading Residence

Perfect Days

Since we moved down to Devon, life has never strayed too far from perfect. There are times when it’s been hard: even before Arthur came along the challenge of juggling renovating the house with a stressful job an hour’s commute away and a husband tackling medical school as a mature student was pretty exhausting, and motherhood hasn’t exactly left me feeling any more rested. But all of that has just been part of realising our dreams, so it’s impossible to sit back and reflect without seeing it as all part of the perfection.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always dreamt of living by the sea. I never thought it would actually happen, but now it has. Whenever I walk outside my front door I feel like I’m on holiday: views like this never fail to nourish my soul, making anything seem possible even if I’ve been up all night with a teething baby.

image

That teething baby is of course part of the dream too. My maternal instincts kicked in way before I was old enough to have kids, but after a string of bad relationships in my twenties I thought that perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. Then along came Leigh, and together we’ve made the most perfect creature I could ever have imagined. Even if sleeping through the night is not his strong point and he has instead an incredible talent for making a mess.

image

The third part of the master plan was the writing. I loved to write as a child, dabbled tentatively for years even after the self-doubt of adolescence kicked in, but never dared to dream I’d actually get to spend my days (or parts of them at least) writing novels whilst looking at the sea.

For the last three months my perfect days have definitely involved a good chunk of writing: whatever else me and Arthur got up to, if I could spend an hour or two losing myself in the world of my novel and chipping away at the word count goal I’d set myself then I’d be happy. If Arthur and I managed to get out into the fresh air, even better if we managed to combine that with meeting up with friends, then things were pretty damned good.

Despite all this, in our day to day lives something (or someone) has been missing. More for Arthur than me, though of course I’ve missed him too: on days when Leigh has been up and out of the house before seven Arthur has called his name excitedly as we’ve come down the stairs for breakfast an hour or two later. One day last week he started doing it in his sleep: murmuring ‘dada’ as he cosied up to me in the sling, then waking up and shouting it as if he expected to see him standing there. I know he’ll be home by dinner time, but for Arthur I think those days must seem like an eternity. And even in the evenings, although we manage to eat together most nights, Leigh is exhausted and often still has work to do.

But now it’s the holidays! And we have two whole weeks of Daddy time. I’ve finished the novel – the first draft at least – so have a little while to adjust to the different rhythms of the editing process. We have some time in London to look forward to, as well as a week by a different sea in Cyprus for our first family beach holiday. After several months of busyness and achieving, I cannot wait for some very different kinds of perfect days, ones filled with doing not very much at all apart from hanging out and enjoying each other’s company as a family.

image

Thank you to Sara at ‘Mum turned Mom’ for inspiring this post with her prompt ‘A Perfect Day’.

 

mumturnedmom

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Word of the Week: Out

Today the word that sums up the week that was is:

IMG_4935 copy

It could just as easily have been ‘door’ – both words in Arthur’s burgeoning vocabulary that he’s using to let me know he wants to be outdoors. Permanently, I reckon, if he got his way. Which definitely bodes well for all the camping trips we have planned for this summer!

This week, though, his need for fresh air and open space has definitely saved my sanity. I’ve been in the final throes of the novel: I started the week with about six thousand words left to write, and part of me just wanted to get it done. I was impatient, and excited to see how the details would pan out. I mean, I vaguely knew what was going to happen in the end, but not until it was written would I know for sure.

But combining writing with motherhood means I’m not entirely in charge of my schedule. Writing happens when Arthur naps, and in between – well, I have no doubt it did me good to get out and about.

On Monday the grey drizzle of the weekend lingered, yet still at lunchtime Arthur had his face up against the glass doors, longing to escape. I managed to distract him till after the post lunch writing session when miraculously the cloud began to clear and we went to let off some steam around Shoalstone pool.

image    image

On Tuesday it was glorious out, and it was all I could do to force myself to sit down at my computer. The story quickly captured me of course, but once Arthur had woken up I was very glad of the lunchtime picnic we’d planned with friends at Breakwater beach.

image    image

On Wednesday I woke up knowing that today was the day: I was on the final chapter, and as I’d been drifting off to sleep the night before the closing paragraph had come to me, so all I had to do was fill in the gaps. The words flowed as soon as Arthur drifted off for his morning nap, and I finished just as he was waking up so we could both enjoy a celebratory stroll to Berry Head in the afternoon.

image    image

Yesterday the celebrations continued when we spent pretty much the whole day outdoors with some friends at Paignton Zoo. Arthur was in his element – especially when we found an area we’d not discovered before where he could get up close and personal with some friendly goats.

image    image

All in all this week’s been a bit of a whirlwind really. My brain has been on overdrive – first with the challenge of pulling the ninety thousand words of novel I’ve been writing to a satisfying close, then with the realisation that this thing that’s been giving me purpose for the last three months has ended. Having Arthur to shift my focus away from myself has been, as it always is, fantastic. And the fact that he’s wanted that focus to be on going OUT has been even better.

The Reading Residence

Country Kids from Coombe Mill Family Farm Holidays Cornwall

Truth and modesty and self-publishing

lili badger first draft

Whenever I mention I’ve written a novel and am in the process of looking for a publisher people ask whether I’ve thought about doing it myself. My response is usually that I have – briefly – but I’m pretty sure it’s not for me.

I don’t mean to be disparaging of people who have chosen to go down the self-publishing route. I know that for many it has proven to be a great way of getting their work out there: for some it has even been extremely lucrative, or has opened the doors to traditional publishing houses. On one level, if I’m honest, I think I need the validation of a publisher in order to truly be able to consider myself an author. And I definitely don’t think I’m cut out for the ruthless self-promotion it would take to do it alone.

It’s not like Lili Badger has even been out there for that long. I’ve had some brilliant feedback, and although she hasn’t found a home quite yet I’m quietly confident that when the time is right she will. Until then I would rather focusing on writing than shift over to the role of publisher. It’s an area I know little about, and I’m busy enough right now not to need that extra dimension.

I’m not naive enough to think that there will be no self-promotion involved in getting published through a traditional route. Even just the business of establishing myself as someone who writes has pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone in my attempts to get an awareness of myself and my work out there through the incredible networks that exist in social media. But I think that, for now at least, it’s gone far enough.

I believe in my work, but that doesn’t mean I would have the barefaced confidence to sell it in the way I could something written by somebody else. However much I might quietly love Lili Badger and her world, however much I might quietly believe that it is a book that should be read by teenagers and adults alike, it’s not something I’d feel confident standing alone and shouting from the rooftops. But modesty has no place in marketing. And where self-promotion can come across as vanity or arrogance, it’s a completely different matter if your work is being praised and promoted by people who have built their careers around just that.

So for now I will focus on immersing myself in the world of my second novel – I’m so looking forward to reading it in its entirety once the first draft is finished, on moving into the next phase of editing and rewriting and honing those raw words into something polished and complete. I will also continue to enjoy building my blog, a place which is satisfying any urgent desire for readers I may have whilst at the same time mapping the new world I find myself in as a writer and a mother. And hopefully before too long all these worlds will start to come together and I will be writing of my explorations in the uncharted territory of being a newly published author.

I am not so modest that I believe that day will never come, but I am modest enough to know that I need the truth of my words to be validated before I am happy to release them. And that is why – for now at least – I know that self-publishing is not the road for me.

Thank you to Sara from Mum turned Mom for inspiring this post with this week’s prompt (‘Truth is more important than modesty’ Roald Dahl).

 

mumturnedmom

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com
 

The end is in sight

At the beginning of January, I set myself a challenge. It was one I’d been building up to for a couple of months – researching, outlining characters, padding out the plot – and just like last time there were lots of people ready to warn me that I might be setting the bar too high.

My plan was to write my second novel before Easter. I’d set out to write my first around the same time last year: I got started a little later, as January was spent just coming to terms with being a mum, but I’d actually been writing Lili Badger in my head for ages. And being aimed at the young adult market, my initial word count goal was only sixty thousand.

This time round I was mother to an almost-toddler rather than a newborn and I was aiming for ninety thousand words in my first draft. I wasn’t sure quite how long Arthur was going to keep up his very convenient twice daily feeding and napping in the sling routine. Oh, and on top of all that I’d also decided to start a blog.

Still, once I’d ironed out a few issues with motivation, characters and research, I actually really enjoyed throwing myself into the world of a new novel. As the story progressed, scenes I’d loosely mapped out almost seemed to write themselves, and I was getting a real buzz from watching the progress bar moving in the right direction in the brilliant Scrivener app. There were days when I didn’t write as much as I hoped, and even some when I didn’t manage to get in front of the computer at all, but the deadline was still far enough away that it didn’t make a discernible difference to my overall word count – I really didn’t need to worry about it too much.

And then suddenly we were in March. Arthur was ill – again – and the sleepless nights and constant breastfeeding were really beginning to take their toll. On top of that we had a trip to London planned to promote my first novel which ended up taking out almost a whole week of writing time. It was with trepidation that I looked at Scrivener’s project targets on the Monday after we got back from London: and, as I feared, my daily word count goal had gone way over the fifteen hundred words that I knew I could manage.

But actually it’s been ok. Well, better than ok to be honest. Things in the story have reached a climax, so sitting down to write has got even more exciting. Several times over the last couple of weeks I’ve had to drag myself away after crossing the two thousand words mark because Arthur’s patience has worn thin. He’s generally been pretty fantastic though – still napping well, and enjoying playing independently at my feet (and maybe trashing my study just a little) – so that not only have I been able to get back on track with the novel but I’ve even kept the blog up too.

The first draft isn’t finished yet – still 16,682 words to write, as those of you on Twitter might have noticed from my daily Scrivener updates – and of course the first draft is only the beginning of the journey towards the completed novel. But to have less than 20,000 words left, with 12 writing days to go until my self-imposed deadline, feels pretty damned amazing.

challenge-yourself1

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Seeds of Creativity

Ever since I can remember I have loved the coming of spring. I don’t suit winter. I quite enjoy  snow, in moderation, and find the rare cold, crisp, sunny days as exhilarating as the next person, but it’s the interminable darkness that really gets to me. The darkness that sets in before you get a chance to get outside at the end of a hard day’s work and hangs around for way longer than it’s welcome after you’ve dragged yourself out of bed in the morning, fighting your body’s desire to hibernate.

For years I thought I suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder – I didn’t just dislike those months of darkness, they consumed me like the fog that rolls in over the sea. Even the anticipation of the shorter days that set in as early as the summer solstice was enough to instil that sense of dread that would just get worse and worse as the seasons closed in.

Now that I’m not operating on someone else’s timetable I’m not so sure. There’s no doubt that living by the sea helps too, and spending most of my time with a little person who sees the world without a trace of my weariness. Despite not having slept for more than two hours at a stretch for the past fifteen months, despite the challenge of juggling nearly-new motherhood with writing a second novel and trying to find a publisher for the first, despite the fact that this winter it has rained for days and days on end, I don’t need spring anywhere near as badly as I have before.

That’s not to say it’s not exciting. The snowdrops pushing through the sodden ground, the bare branches beginning to burst with buds, the daffodils that have suddenly taken over our neglected garden in an explosion of yellow. And alongside all these things the seeds of new ideas that are taking root inside my writer’s brain.

I seem to be settling into a pattern with my writing, one which I hope is sustainable and suits my rhythms. In the autumn, as the days begin to close in, I lose myself in researching and planning a new novel. By January, typically my lowest point, I’m ready to bring the plan to life, spending long chunks of time writing, letting my characters take the story where it needs to go. This year, as with last, I’ve set myself the deadline of Easter to complete the first draft. I’m on track to achieve that: I’m about two thirds of the way through with another month to go, and as the story gathers pace and urgency it’s all I can do to pull myself away from the keyboard when motherhood calls. Once that first draft’s done I’ll let it sit for a while before going back to it with fresh eyes, handing it over at the same time to a trusted few initial readers. With their ideas and mine I’ll then attempt the redraft in the height of summery optimism, hopefully having something I’m happy with as summer draws to a close.

Alongside all that redrafting, though, the seeds of the next project need to be germinating, shooting up into the light so that I can work out how to help them grow in the next phase of their development. And with that in mind I had begun to panic a couple of weeks ago: the end of the current novel was in sight, but I had no idea what I was going to work on next. I have several ideas for new novels in the Lili Badger series, a couple of distinct directions in which things could go. But I don’t want to start working on those until I know whether the original has legs. I love it, and would enjoy nothing more than to lose myself in Lili’s world again, but however much I try I can’t justify it to myself. I need something new.

In the midst of my panic, I went for a walk. Just the usual walk into town, taking the long way round by the pool, allowing myself to tread more slowly than I normally would so Arthur could soak up his surroundings. I began to notice the dedications on the benches, stopped to read them. And without me even noticing the seeds began to embed themselves.

By the time I got home I had two reasonably formed ideas for new novels. Both with their heart in Brixham, and both with stories which spread out across place and time in their mapping of life and love and death. Both have strong female characters at their core – something which I am beginning to realise is emerging as a pattern in my work. I haven’t decided which one I’ll run with yet. I hope I’ll write them both, in time. But now the seeds have been sown I’ll leave them for a while, trusting that they will germinate in my mind as I bring my current project to its conclusion, ready for me to nurture when I can shift my attention to them more closely as spring turns into summer.

Thank you to Sara at ‘Mum Turned Mom’ for inspiring this post with her prompt: “Spring is the time of plans and projects” (Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina).

mumturnedmom
Post Comment Love

Lili Badger hits the town

On Tuesday night, I got to take Lili Badger for her first public outing. It’s not that no-one’s met her yet: she’s been introduced to my Dad, my Grampa, a few select friends. And of course my agent, who in turn has introduced her to some lucky YA editors. But it’s the first time I was introducing her directly to a literary audience of (mainly) strangers, with a reading at Speakeasy at Drink Shop Do.

As someone who trained as an actor and taught for ten years you’d have thought that eight minutes of reading aloud wouldn’t phase me. But I was surprisingly nervous. Choosing an extract to read was the first challenge: the opening chapters seemed to have too much exposition, some of the later ones too little. I was also keen to avoid having to recreate some of the dialogue as whilst it sounds suitably street when spoken by the voices in my head I doubted I’d be able to make it convincing enough when I opened my mouth. Even at drama school accents were never my strong point. In the end I chose an extract which almost stands alone as an event in the story. It was actually one of the first scenes I visualised when I was planning the novel, and made it into the final cut more to enrich the fabric of the world I was creating than to drive the plot forward. It’s a bit dark though, and I spent the tube journey to King’s Cross panicking that it was going to set completely the wrong tone.

My mind was put at rest by one of the lovely friends who’d come to support me – she also handily was one of my initial readers and I definitely trust her judgement above my own on such matters. Once that was sorted, beer in hand and catching up with mates, I was finally able to chill a little. Until of course the comperes announced the beginning of the readings and my heart was once more in my throat.

Nicci Cloke and Ian Ellard were actually completely wonderful, putting me at ease and warming up an already very friendly audience. Listening to Tom Easton’s seriously chuckle-worthy extracts from Boys Don’t Knit chilled me out still further, though as the room was collapsing in hysterics I was wondering how they were going to react to my very different and somewhat depressing choice. I really needn’t have worried though.

Stood at the bar, microphone in one hand and iPad in the other, suddenly it felt like I was absolutely supposed to be there. A hush came over the room, and for perhaps the first time I really felt like an author. Not just someone who writes, which obviously is a role I step into most days, but someone whose words get listened to. I had really enjoyed revisiting the novel I wrote this time last year in preparation for the evening, and stepping into Lili’s shoes to release her into the world as I told a part of her story was a real thrill.

I have to admit Tom Pollock’s super dramatic reading from The City’s Son passed in a bit of a blur – I was buzzing, and grinning from ear to ear.

There was still one more challenge to come, one which I’d been dreading even more than the reading itself: creating a piece of flash fiction on the spot to be read at the end of the evening. Again my worries were completely unfounded. We worked collaboratively during the interval, me and the two Toms led by Ian, writing a story on the theme of ‘a dustbin knocked over in the backstreets of Whitechapel’. With perhaps a little scientology thrown in. Armed with a celebratory glass of cava the writing itself was a blast: as authors our styles are very different, but the story we produced with those styles meshed irreverently together was, even if I do say so myself, a work of genius. I’d forgotten how much fun it is to write collaboratively. I always used to love improvisation as an actor, and it’s basically the same thing just with added speedy handwriting.

I was able to relax into the second half a bit more. I was captivated by Tanya Byrne’s reading from Heart-Shaped Bruise, loved the unexpected tenderness of Non Pratt’s Trouble, and soaked up the spookiness of James Dawson’s Say Her Name. Once the author readings were over, Nicci and Ian took it in turns to share the stories we’d concocted earlier. And ours of course won – who could resist Tiny Tom Cruise being humiliated by a Thetan? You can read both stories here: I very much recommend you do.

All in all it was a fantastic evening. I left feeling a little bit more like an author, and Lili Badger left feeling a little more real. It was a privilege to begin to get her story out there, even if only a part of it. I cannot wait until I get the chance to unleash the rest of it on the world.